Ninety Nine Bottles
by Sadistic-Snape
Summary: Trying to wrap my brain around what would be an easy mathematics equation. Yet it took my brilliant mind slightly longer to count that there were five women standing before me. But sometimes there would be six or seven and one in a bunny suit. ONE-SHOT!


**Disclaimer:** I own nothing except the plot... and not even the bottles of beer :(

Ok so this little story was actually the original start to my latest chapter of "It's Time to Play Dress Up."

But I changed it cause Snape was originally where Harry is at the start... this wasn't the whole chapter!

Anyway its really weird, odd and random!

Enjoy!

**

* * *

**

**NINTEY-NINE BOTTLES:**

_Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer, you take one down and pass it around, ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall._

For some bizarre reason I have that song stuck in my head, and all I want to do is go back to sleep. I toss and turn, trying to get comfortable but not becoming successful.

With one last try I flop over onto my stomach, with my cheek mushed against something that wasn't soft like my pillow was supposed to be.

I scrunch my face up in concentration as my hands feel around my head for my pillow, but not finding it. I stop moving.

This is strange, because I can't just feel my pillow; I can't even feel the bed underneath me.

Now I have either become paralysed overnight and can't feel a thing or I am not actually sleeping on my bed.

I frown… well I think I do unless I am really paralysed and only think I am. With great effort I move my arms sluggishly, resting my hands flat on the hard surface and push up.

Ok now I can't see what I'm sleeping on… actually it might help that I opened my eyes… ok one's open… and now the other.

Beneath me are rows of pale wood that looks exactly like my floor.

Ding! That little light blub in my head flashes on slightly; I must get that fixed.

I am lying on my bedroom floor and to my left I can see my bed out of the corner of my eye.

I grasp the edge of my bed and try to pull myself up, which again was something to add to my unsuccessful list of today. I tried several times until I realised that my comforter was wound tightly around me making my attempts useless.

Too tired to try anymore, I slumped back down onto the floor and drag the blanket over my head, to block out the sunlight slowly peeping through.

My eyes were drifting close with the thought of only 96 bottles of beer still on that bloody wall, when they were suddenly forced open by the loud pounding coming from the front of my house.

"HARRY!" I called out, my voice croaky from lack of use.

"HARRY! ANSWER THE BLOODY DOOR!"

I could hear nothing except the banging on the front door getting louder and louder with each increasing second.

"Why the heck do I even have him in my house when he can't bloody answer the door." I grumble.

I roll around on the floor trying to get the bloody blanket off. When it was finally off I stumbled to my feet, feeling my head spin a little.

Rubbing my eyes tiredly I glance down at what I'm wearing, seeing if it was appropriate for visitors. I was wearing exactly what I had on last night, except my shoes were thrown in the corner to my right and my bra was hanging off the door handle.

I slowly make my way to the door opening it and shielding my eyes, as it was brighter in the rest of the house. I make my way through the hallway and into the living room.

"Ninety six bottles of beer on the wall, ninety six bottles of beer, you take one down and pass it around, ninety five bottles of beer on the wall." I sang with a slight slur, which made me giggle a little.

I scratched the back of my head as I yawned loudly. My beady eyes trying to focus on the door coming closer and closer towards me.

THUMP!

I cursed loudly as my forehead connected with a smack on the hard wooden floor.

I slowly pushed myself up onto my knees and glanced around, seeing Harry sprawled out on the floor snoring lightly. Along with a few other friends, all dead to the world… or at least to the extremely loud banging on the door.

With a frustrated sigh I stumble to my feet again and cursed Harry.

"Get up you bloody wanker!" I said angrily.

My only reply was a grumble, as he turned his head away from me.

Ignoring the unconscious twit, I continue to stumble towards the front door and lightly humming my beer song.

I rip the door open, ceasing the racket and making me stagger backwards slightly, as I was unsure of my own strength. Then my mouth decided to spew out a slurred sentence that my brain had no time to thoroughly search for mistakes.

"Ninety four bottles of beer on the wall!" I sang to all the wives and partners of the other sleeping occupants in the living room, standing impatiently in my front doorway.

I stood there staring at them for a moment, trying to wrap my brain around what would be an easy mathematics equation. Yet it took my brilliant mind slightly longer to count that there were five women standing before me. But sometimes there would be six or seven women and possibly one in a bunny suit.

"Ladies, ladies. Come in, come in and keep that dreadful sunlight out please." I said, trying to gracefully sweep my arm across and out to let them in.

The five women, definitely five, bustled into the living room like mother hens trying to find their other halves, through the mass of many different alcohol bottles and bodies of men spending quality time sawing logs.

Ginny pounded her way into the kitchen, making as much noise as possible with her nose scrunched up, wrinkles upon her forehead and frown firmly set into her mouth.

Her actions were answered with loud groans from the alcoholic laced men and then sighs of pleasure as the smell of coffee floated into the rubbish dump I called a lounge room.

Once at least one round of coffee was downed, the questioning of the women started. They hounded their still slightly hung over men with questions on the levels of alcohol consumed, why they didn't call, did they know how worried their partner was, etcetera.

The replies were half mumbled and I just sat there sipping my burnt coffee and watching the scene unfold, as the men blushed and stammered with embarrassment at their women shooting fiery interrogations.

Yet my little moment of fun had to stop there as the five women, and no bunny suit, all turned as one and glared at me, throwing fire spiked accusations at myself this time.

"It was just a meaningless little bit of fun. We got a little carried away. Is was just your average night out with the boys." I said with a shrug.

"Hermione, you're not one of the boys, and you should stop acting like it, you're only encouraging them." Ginny said still looking stern.

"Jeez Ginny, they don't need to be babied, they're grown men for goodness sake." I said with a roll of my eyes.

"Yes and getting smashed with no idea of where you'll end up is so mature." She said sarcastically.

I chose to ignore her, she was only angry because she didn't get invited to this little shindig.

The women then turned back to their men and glared at them till they got large bouts of apologies and promises for not doing this sin again in the future.

"HAPPY HANUKAH!" came out from the least likely mouth I could imagine.

Draco Malfoy stood at the end of my hallway just as haggard and rumpled as the rest of us, yet with an overly large smirk on his face.

"What are you doing here, Malfoy?" Harry asked with a sneer.

"We weren't celebrating Hanukah… actually what were we celebrating?" Neville pipped in.

For the life of me I could not remember what were celebrating, actually I don't think anyone did.

"Ok, who cares why I'm here and how I got here, I'm here so that's the end of it." Malfoy said sternly.

Harry tried to reply to his remark but got rudely interrupted by Malfoy.

"Granger, do mind if I keep this? I have such fond memories of it from last night." He said as he pulled out my black lacy bra from behind his back.

A grasp crowded the room.

"Is this when a small montage of fast, hard hitting images of the two of us together in comprising positions flood my mind, mixing my feelings because it was so wrong but so right all at the same time?" I asked to everyone in the room.

No one answered as they were to busy, shock on the faces as they looked from me to Malfoy like an intense volley at a tennis match.

"Possibly even proclaim my secret undying love to a person I hate so much?"

Still no one answered, but a few faces did turn green with the thought of Malfoy and I in love with one another.

"Seriously I'm not seeing anything."

_Ninety-three bottles of beer on the wall._


End file.
